Look Who Thinks He's Clever Dan
by takusi
Summary: this title has absolutley nothing to do with the chapter, i just like saying it. it is actually just funny random events featuring guest stars from other things. read it now you will mmmmh
1. enter the person

Takusi: okay now i've gotta say this or I could get sued, I do not own yu- gi-oh or any of its characters as well as card names and anything else you could think of. I also don't own any of the other characters or their stories as well as game characters, web characters, ect that I will put into this story. And I also (unfortunately) do not own magic the gathering. At the end of every chapter I will put the websites that you will find the characters if I put any.  
  
The rules of magic (for those who don't know them) go as followed All players (minimum of two maximum whatever you feel like) get 20 lifepoints. There are seven types of cards creatures, enchantments, instants, sorcery, artifacts, enchant creatures, and mana. There are five types of mana. Swamp (black), plains (white), forest (green), island (blue), and mountain (red). These are used to summon monsters, use sorcery, enchantments, instants, artifacts, and enchant creatures. One can only be played each turn and after they are use they are tapped for power (or turned sideways) and cannot be used again until next turn. Creatures as well as all cards (except mana) have a casting cost in the right hand corner. It usually consists of a number and some mana symbols next to it. That means that if it's a 2 forest forest then you need to tap two of any color mana (it doesn't matter which kind) and two forests (need them) if you pay that then the creature is summoned to the field. It cannot attack the first turn it is played but after it attacks it gets tapped and cannot be used until next turn. There are some creatures who have special abilities and sometimes they require a mana cost or the creature to be tapped or both or neither. When a creature attacks it is aiming for your opponents lifepoints but if your opponent has a creature out he can decide to block your creature or let it attack. And finally if a creature blocks or becomes blocked the opposing creatures attack goes to your own creature's defense and vise-versa. Example: (1) 2/2 vs. (2) 2/3, 2 damage would be dealt to (1) so it would die but (2) would get 2 damage dealt to its 3 so it would have one defense point left. Note: monsters regenerate dp (defense points) at next turn. Instants work the same as creatures with the mana only they are like sorcery cards that can be played on your opponents turn as well as yours. They are discarded after use. Sorcery cards work the same with mana and can only be used on your turn. Discard after use. Enchantments are the same with mana and can only be used on your turn. Remain on field until destroyed. Enchant creature same as enchantments only they are placed on a creature and usually power up the creature. And finally artifacts which are cards that never require a specific type of mana. These cars are like enchantments but there are also some creatures. Sorry for the lengthy reading, now on with the chapter.  
  
"I'm glad the battle city tournament is over and i've saved the world yet again" thought Yugi to himself as he was walking home to his grandfathers shop. "but I cant help thinking where I go from here. I mean I saved the world again from some evil holograms and cardboard but now I've got nothin' to do. Oh well, I'm sure some new evil will appear, it always does" reaching for the door to his grandfathers shop he heard someone yelling "what, you're telling me that this is a game shop and you don't sell magic cards" when Yugi stepped inside he saw the person who yelled looked around 16 with long red hair that reached down to the square of his back ad enormous bangs held up in an way that they stuck straight out to the sides (probably by hair cement). He was wearing a school uniform like the one Yugi was wearing although it looked oversized. "What the hell kind of game shop are you runnin' anyway" he said angrily "I mean if it doesn't have magic, the greatest game in the world (just an opinion) then it cant have anything good." "that's not true" piped up Yugi in his grandfathers defense "what?" he said looking back at Yugi "this shop has great games" said Yugi "especially duel monsters." "ha, duel monsters, that pansy game is nothing compared to magic the gathering, the greatest game in the world." (again just an opinion) "it is not a pansy game" said Yugi softly "its better than this so called magic the gathering (opinion) and I'll prove it" "oh, yeah" said the guy walking over toward Yugi "I challenge you to a duel monsters game" said Yugi, "if I win you admit that duel monsters is a great game and you never enter my grandfathers store again" "and if I win" said the guy "then I get a 5000 dollar shopping spree to your grandfathers store" "is that okay grandpa" asked Yugi looking at him over the counter. He nodded "yes Yugi" said his grandpa "I have total faith in you." "fine then" said the guy heading for the counter. "ill meet you in the lot across the street in two hours." "why cant we duel now?" asked Yugi "because I need to make a deck of these idiotic cards." He said pointing to a box of the packs in the glass counter. "What's your name" he asked Yugi giving Yugi's grandpa a wad of cash "I am Yugi Moto" he said. "Well my name is Ryokun Nekohan "he said taking the bag of card packs from Yugi's grandpa. "And I'll see you in two hours" he said, and then left the shop. "You've got to beat him" said Yugi's grandpa "you've just got to."  
  
Two hours later in the empty lot.(bum bum bummmm)  
  
Yugi was standing near the giant dueling arena (how that got in an empty lot I have no clue) with Joey, Tristan, and Taya waiting for Ryokun to show up. "That joyk "(jerk, remember he has a New York accent) said Joey "he'd betta' get here soon" "look here comes someone now" said Taya pointing down the road. "Its about time ya got here" said Joey to him as he walked up "stop that" said Ryokun to Joey "you sound like a jerk with that accent" "I thought it sounded cool" said Joey (in a normal voice) hanging his head "where the hell did this thing come from" Ryokun asked Yugi as he pointed to the arena" I don't know" said Yugi "it was there when I got here" "whatever" said Ryokun climbing onto the platform "now lets do this, the sooner I win the sooner I get my shopping spree." Yugi's puzzle glowed and did that weird Yu-Gi-Oh thing that it does and the spirit came out. "I don't think so" said Yami "with the help of the millennium puzzle and the heart of the cards I shall prevail." "what the hell is a necklace that makes you go through puberty gonna' do to help you win." asked Ryokun "shut your yammering its time to duel"  
  
Takusi: well I know that there was no magic playing in this but there will be some in the story eventually. Unfortunately I'm not gonna' write that down for every chapter so try to memorize the rules or right them down. I'm just jolting down random thoughts so there may be some other things I need to explain but keep in mind they will be explained in one of the chapters. Thanks for reading it and I hope you enjoyed it. 


	2. another wierd one

Takusi: well I know I haven't updated this in a while but I have been caught up in an excellent story called court of souls (sort of a crossover between kingdom hearts and a lot of different anime worlds, Ranma and Yami replace Donald and Goofy) if you like kingdom hearts then you should really read this.  
  
Voice inside of my head: stay on task idiot  
  
Takusi: oh right, anyway this chapter displays an actual duel and more making fun of yugioh and other things.  
  
p.s. the cards in Ryokun's deck will probably be made up, then again they might not I don't know (do I ever) now on to the story *raises finger into the air*  
  
italics=thoughts  
  
+++++++++++++  
  
They both step onto the dueling platform as it raises them up to the card putting down holographic pad thingie and put their decks onto the flat surface square thing and their was that sound that it makes and those little technological lightning thingie's around it. They both then draw five cards and the duel begins.  
  
"you go first" said Yugi  
  
"no you go first" said Ryokun  
  
"you"  
  
"no you"  
  
"shadap" yelled Joey regaining his New York accent. "just flip a coin or sumpthin' "  
  
"fine" said Ryokun reaching into his pocket and taking out a coin. He then tossed it into the air.  
  
"HEADS"  
  
they both yelled as it was still in the air. They looked at each other and both yelled  
  
"TAILS no HEADS no TAILS."  
  
finally the coin landed and came up tails  
  
"ha, I win" said Ryokun smugly  
  
"how do you win" asked Yugi  
  
"because it's my coin" he replied  
  
"how does that matter" asked Yugi  
  
"no its true" said Joey scanning the rulebook. "it says ' if both players call the same thing and it lands on the called side the owner of the coin wins the flip."  
  
"what" cried Yugi snatching the rulebook out of Joey's hands and reading it. "that cant be right" he said scanning the page "oh all right" he said throwing the rulebook over his shoulder. ++++++++  
  
Yugi: 4000 LP  
  
Ryokun: 4000 LP  
  
He then grabbed a card from his hand "go Celtic Guardian (1400/1200) in attack mode" he yelled as he threw it down onto the (I'm just gonna call it the dueling table okay) dueling table.  
  
It then made that weird sound and an elvish knight clad in emerald green armor wielding a sword popped into view on the field.  
  
"okay" said Ryokun as he viewed his hand "I'll play Rowena, vampire queen (2200/0) in attack mode" he then placed the card on the dueling table.  
  
A pale woman with deep bloodred eyes and long black hair wearing a black duster, black cutoff gloves, and leather combat boots came into play.  
  
"and now I'll attack your Celtic Guardian"  
  
Rowena then lunged towards the Celtic Guardian mouth open bearing her fangs. She then sank her teeth into his neck, he then broke into pieces and then vanished entirely. Rowena then leapt back into her original position on the field. ++++++  
  
Yugi: 3200 LP  
  
Ryokun: 4000 LP  
  
"now its my turn" said Yugi as he drew a card "since I have nothing powerful enough to beat your Rowena I'll put two cards face down and this card in defense mode"  
  
Two card backs materialized onto the field and the spot where Yugi's defense monster was, was glowing  
  
"and that'll end my turn"  
  
"Well since I'm smart enough to know that one of those are a trap" said Ryokun "I don't think I'm gonna attack this turn"  
  
"what" thought Yugi "how could he see through my unbeatable strategy of me placing two cards facedown and my opponent not noticing them and foolishly attacking the defense monster activating the trap. He's smarter than I thought"  
  
"Instead" Ryokun continued "I'm gonna sacrifice Rowena, vampire queen to play Princess of the East Woods (1000/2100) In defense mode."  
  
A young elven girl appeared onto the field wearing a billowing white and pink dress with jewels crafted into the fabric. On her head she wore a wooden tiara with a large emerald set in the center.  
  
"and that'll end my turn"  
  
++++++++  
  
Yugi: 3200 LP  
  
Ryokun: 4000 LP  
  
"what the heck is he doing" thought Yugi "why'd he sacrifice such a powerful monster for something so weak, I'll have to be careful"  
  
"now I'll draw a card" said Yugi "and I'll sacrifice my facedown monster to play the Dark Magician Girl in attack mode."  
  
A woman appeared on Yugi's side of the field wearing a rather slutty mages outfit holding a short staff with a spiraled ball at the end.  
  
"and I'll activate my facedown card the Book of Secret Arts to increase the attack of my dark magician girl by 300 points"  
  
Yugi was talking but Ryokun didn't seem to care, he was more interested drooling over the hologram of the hot chick in the slutty mages outfit.  
  
"damn" muttered Ryokun still drooling over the Dark Magician Girl "I wish these holograms were real." Snapping back into focus Ryokun assessed the situation. "feh like it matters if she's has 2300 attack" said Ryokun calmly  
  
"we'll see about that" cried Yugi "Dark Magician Girl attack the Princess of the East Woods"  
  
the dark magician girl then leapt at the princess of the east woods and brought down her staff which was glowing with dark energy. When the staff hit the elven girl Yugi expected to see her burst into little pieces and disappear into nothing. Instead the staff reflected off the top of the princess of the east wood and the dark magician girl was sent flying backwards and the book of secret arts broke into pieces and disappeared.  
  
"what" cried Yugi apparently confused as he watched his lifepoints go down.  
  
"its simple" said Ryokun "when the Princess of the East Woods is in defense mode all equip magic cards played are instantly destroyed" +++++++++  
  
Yugi: 3100 LP  
  
Ryokun: 4000 LP  
  
"so now its my turn" said Ryokun drawing a card "I'll play three cards facedown and I'll summon the forgotten ancients (1200/1500) in attack mode"  
  
a treelike old man with a long beard of what appeared to be vines and twigs came into play wearing a long white robe.  
  
"now it's my turn" said Yugi drawing a card  
  
"well, he put that forgotten ancients in attack mode so now I can attack it with my dark magician girl, but those two facedown cards could be a trap, I'll have to risk it"  
  
"dark magician girl, attack the forgotten ancients" Yugi cried pointing his finger at the forgotten ancients "dark magic attack"  
  
the dark magician girl leapt forward, staff raised prepared to strike.  
  
"I'll use my facedown card ritualistic suicide" said Ryokun flipping up one of the facedown cards revealing a picture of a crying girl plunging a knife into her chest.  
  
"this card allows me to destroy one of your creatures by sacrificing one of my own and losing lifepoints equal to half of the sacrificed monsters atk points, and I'll choose to sacrifice the forgotten ancients"  
  
just then a dagger appeared in the hands of the forgotten ancients as he plunged it into his chest. Afterwards both the forgotten ancients and the dark magician girl disappeared. ++++++++++  
  
Yugi: 3100 LP  
  
Ryokun: 3400 LP  
  
"so now it's my turn" said Ryokun as he drew a card. He scanned his hand, finally deciding on a card, he lifted it out of his hand and threw it onto the dueling table. "I'll play the summoning circle magic card"  
  
a picture showing a circle of blood surrounding a pentagram appeared on the field.  
  
"this card allows me to summon any monster card from my deck in exchange for sacrificing one creature and half of my life points"  
  
a circle of blood surrounded the Princess of the East Woods and a flash of light came followed by a scream. The Princess of the East Woods then disappeared, leaving just the circle of blood.  
  
"and now I'll use it to summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon, in attack mode" a huge dragon with (okay, if you guys don't know what the blue eyes white dragon looks like, you shouldn't even be reading this) appeared on the field.  
  
"what" Yugi cried "how did you get that? there are only four in the world, Kaiba owns three and my grandpa owns the other one"  
  
"what the hell are you talkin about?" said Ryokun "they sell these things in Kaiba starter packs for like 8 bucks."  
  
"oh" said Yugi "I gotta buy one of those later. I bet Kaiba's pissed"  
  
"and now I'll have my blue eyes attack your lifepoints directly with white lightning"  
  
the blue eyes raised it's head and gathered a ball of energy (apparently white lightning) and it sent it in a blast towards Yugi.  
  
"ha" said Yugi "you fell right into my trap the Spellbinding Circle. This card will not only stop your blue eyes from attacking, but it will lower its atk points by 700"  
  
a circle appeared under the blue eyes and brought it back to its original spot on the field. It's atk point counter lowered to 2300.  
  
"damn you" muttered Ryokun "well I'll switch my blue eyes to defense mode and I'll end my turn"  
  
"now I must believe in the heart of the cards" said Yugi pulling a card from his deck in many unnecessary hand movements before finally extending his arm to the side with the card facing behind him. "and now I'll play" he said flipping the card over "basic insect...." "okay that was a practice" said Yugi throwing the card over his shoulder "and now I'll trust in the heart of the cards" cried Yugi drawing a card and looking at it. "practice" he said throwing it over his shoulder "practice" he said drawing another card "practice"  
  
"okay nothings worth this" said Ryokun throwing down his hand. "I quit" he then picked up his cards and left.  
  
"what should we do now?" Joey asked looking at Yugi who is still drawing cards from his deck.  
  
"just leave him" said Tea "he'll snap himself out of it soon"  
  
"yeah I guess your right" said Joey they all then turned and walked away, the faint sound of 'practice' still being heard.  
  
Takusi: well that was a weird one. Not as humorous but hey at least I made another one. But I can't help but wonder where to go from here. Hmmm, maybe I should have Yugi duel a drug addict, or maybe it should have something to do with magic the gathering. But what. Oh well if you have any ideas please put it in the review, or better yet REVIEW!!! God I'm gonna have to start reviewing my own stories to raise my self esteem so I don't get too depressed. Oh well. Until next time. 


End file.
